Legacy letter: what to write, a simple format and three examples

What is a legacy letter, and what is it not?

A legacy letter is a message you write for your family about who you are and what you hope for them. The older term is an ethical will. Cornell Law School’s Legal Information Institute describes it as a writing about a person’s history, wishes or beliefs, meant for others, and says plainly that it has no legal significance.¹ The practice is used to express thoughts a person may not get the chance to say later.¹

Notice what is absent from that definition: property, money and instructions. The Bakken Center at the University of Minnesota describes an ethical will as a way to tell loved ones what you want them to know or be, and says it can be a letter, a memoir, artwork or a video.² A review in the journal Innovation in Aging adds that ethical wills pass on values through non-legal instruction and are distinct from legal or living wills.³

So a legacy letter is a gift of words. It is not a document that moves property or directs how assets are handled. For those, talk to a lawyer or the professional who handles your affairs. This guide is general information, not legal advice.

How is it different from a will or other legal documents?

The National Institute on Aging explains that a legal will specifies how your property, money and other assets are distributed and managed at death, and that it can also cover children, dependents, pets and funeral wishes.⁴ A legacy letter does none of that work. Use the table to keep the two apart.

Keep the two apart in practice too. Do not put instructions about money or property in the letter, and do not rely on the letter to say anything that must be carried out. If a feeling matters to you, say it in the letter. If an action matters to you, put it in the proper document.

What do you put in a legacy letter?

A simple frame has four ingredients: gratitude, a story, a lesson and a hope. This is an editorial suggestion, not a standard.

• Gratitude: name specific people and say what they did.
• A story: one scene from your life that explains how you came to hold a belief.
• A lesson: what you would do again, and what you would do differently.
• A hope: what you wish for the reader, said without instructions.

Write in the voice you use in conversation. A short, honest letter is a good place to start. If you want the story part to be longer, see how to write a memoir.

What does a simple format look like?

1. Choose the reader Pick one person or one group, such as a grandchild, a spouse or your adult children. A letter to everyone reads like a speech.
2. Open with why Tell the reader in a sentence why you are writing and what you hope they will take from it.
3. Give one story and one lesson Describe a single scene, then say what it taught you. Keep to one story per letter.
4. Say thanks and say your hope Name what you are grateful for and what you wish for them, in plain words.
5. Sign, date and file Date the letter, sign it and keep it where it can be found.

Which prompts help you start?

These ten prompts are about values and messages. If you want prompts about childhood and daily life, use the list in how to write a memoir instead.

1. What do I most want my family to know that I rarely say out loud?
2. Who shaped how I think about work, and what did they teach me?
3. What is a mistake I am glad I made, and why?
4. What did I get right as a parent, a partner or a friend?
5. What do I hope the people who read this will keep doing?
6. What do I hope they will let go of?
7. What tradition would I like to see continue?
8. What belief or faith has carried me through hard times?
9. What am I thankful for that does not cost anything?
10. What do I want to say to each person who will read this?

What do the examples look like?

Here are three short letters written for this guide. They are invented, so adapt them freely. Each paragraph is labeled with its job so you can see the structure.

To a grandchild

Reason

Dear Leo, I am writing this on your tenth birthday so you will have something from me to read when you are older.

Story

When I was your age I was afraid of the water and refused swimming lessons for a year. A neighbor sat on the edge of the pool with me every Saturday until I put in one foot.

Lesson

Courage for me was never a big jump. It was one foot at a time, with someone beside me.

Hope

I hope you ask for company when something scares you, and I hope you give it back to others.

To a spouse

Thanks

Dear Ann, thank you for the Sunday mornings, for the way you keep the kitchen light on for whoever is late.

Story

I still think about the night the car broke down in the rain, and you laughed instead of blaming anyone.

Hope

I hope you keep laughing at the small disasters. They are the part I will carry with me.

To adult children

Reason

To my three children, I want you to hear a few things from me plainly, while I am here to say them.

Lesson

I worked a lot. I would still do the work, and I would be home for more dinners.

Hope

I hope you are kind to each other when I am not around to referee. I hope you keep the holiday table going, however you set it.

Who should receive it, and when?

No institutional source tells you when to hand over a legacy letter, so treat this as a choice for you. Some people give it on a birthday, some at a family gathering, some leave it with their important papers. Think about which of these fits your family, and ask yourself whether you want to be present when it is read. A sealed letter can also go into a time capsule, and the stories behind it can start with questions to ask your grandparents.

For a difficult family situation, write to one person at a time, keep to what is true and kind, and leave out anything that would reopen an old argument. A letter that says “I am proud of you” is better than a list of past grievances.

How do you store it so it is found?

The National Institute on Aging advises keeping important papers in one place, telling a trusted person where they are, and reviewing your plans at least once a year.⁴ That advice is written for legal and financial documents, but the same habit helps a letter: apply it by choosing one place, telling one person, and checking once a year that the letter is still there and still says what you mean.

Make a copy. Keep the signed original with your papers and give a second copy to the person it is for, or to the person you trust to deliver it.

Chutex offers Memory, a service in preparation in which Aria, an AI, helps a person tell their life story, keeps the memories they choose to share and can prepare a book they review together. The plain description is on the Memory page. Memory is not a medical product and gives no diagnosis.

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