Memory book for grandma: formats, a three-visit plan, questions and photographs

What is a memory book for a grandma?

A memory book for grandma is a keepsake that holds her stories, her photographs and the things she wants her grandchildren to know. Some people buy a printed book with questions to fill in. Others make one from a photo album, a scrapbook or a folder of letters. Whichever you choose, the point is the same: her voice, kept on paper.

The words nan, granny, grandma and gran are interchangeable here. Use whichever your family uses on the cover.

Two things shape a good book: the person and the pace. A woman who loves writing may want to fill in the pages herself. Someone who prefers to talk will want company and a notebook. This guide covers both, and it does not assume that every nan wants a printed book at all.

If you want questions to ask at the kitchen table, our guide to questions to ask grandparents has long lists organised by stage of life. This page concentrates on the book itself and on giving it as a gift.

Fill-in book, scrapbook or written book: which suits her?

There is no single best format. Age UK Oldham, a local branch whose volunteer service is described in our life story guide, says that life story work does not have to end in a printed book at all. Memory boxes, picture collages and music collections are alternatives.¹ That is a useful reminder when a gift is for someone who does not read much or who finds writing tiring.

If you are not sure, ask her. “Would you like to write in it, or shall I write while you tell me?” settles it in a sentence, and it makes the book hers from the start.

What questions go in it?

Good questions in a memory book are specific and a little playful. They invite a story and not a one-word answer. Group them by theme so that each visit has a shape.

• Childhood: What was the street you grew up in like, and who were your neighbours?
• Childhood: What was your favourite thing to eat, and who made it?
• Childhood: What did you play, and who with?
• Childhood: What was your best friend’s name, and what did you get up to?
• Family: How did you meet grandad, or the person who mattered most to you?
• Family: What did you call your own mum and dad, and what were they like?
• Family: What is a family saying we should never lose?
• Family: What do you remember about each of your children when they were small?
• Pride: What are you proudest of?
• Pride: What did you learn the hard way that you would like us to know?
• Pride: What would you like to say to your grandchildren?
• Pride: What would you do again, and what would you leave out?

That makes twelve questions, four for each of three themes. Leave space for her to skip any she does not want to answer. A blank page is not a failure; it is a choice.

Add a line for names and spellings on every page. Ask her to say the name of everyone in a photograph.

A three-visit plan to fill the book with her

A book filled in one afternoon can feel rushed. Three shorter visits give her time to think between them, and they give you time to write up what you heard.

At each visit, bring the book, a pen and two or three photographs that match the theme. Ask the four questions in whatever order the conversation takes. If she skips one, move on and offer it again at the next visit, as if for the first time.

After each visit, write three lines the same day: what you discussed, one phrase in her words and one thing to ask next time. At the end of the third visit, read her the whole book aloud and ask what she would change. That last reading can bring out more stories.

How do you make it a gift with the family?

A memory book becomes a family project when more than one person has a part in it. Different relatives can take different jobs and no one has to carry all of it.

• One person keeps the book and does the visits.
• Cousins write a page each about what she has meant to them.
• Another person finds and scans photographs, with names on a separate sheet.
• Younger grandchildren draw or add a handwritten note.
• One relative writes a short introduction saying who the book is from.

A gift for a birthday or for Christmas can be started early and finished in time, but do not turn it into a deadline that makes the visits stressful. If it is late, give the half-finished book with a promise to finish it together.

Handwriting from family members is worth keeping even if it is untidy. The loops and crossings-out may matter more in years to come than a neat typeface.

What if she cannot write much herself?

Some people can talk for an hour but find a pen difficult. Be the writer for her. Keep her words as she says them, including the phrases she repeats, because those are what the family will recognise.

Shorten the visits, use a photograph or an object as the starting point and be ready to stop when she tires.

A memory book does not need to be a perfect record. A few honest pages are better than a long book that no one finished. If a book is not the right gift, the alternatives in the table above, a box of keepsakes or a collage, may suit better.¹

What about a baby memory book from grandma?

No source was read for a UK convention here, so this is simply an idea. A nan can write a book for a new grandchild, in her own words: where the family lives, what the parents were like as children, the songs she sings and what she hopes for the child. The same three-visit plan works if a parent writes down what she says.

Keep it simple, and date every page. The child will read it years from now, and a date helps them place the words.

How do you look after the photographs and the finished book?

The National Archives has a leaflet on caring for photographs, adapted from an American Institute for Conservation text by the Institute of Paper Conservation. It dates from 2004 to 2005, so read it as long-standing basic advice.²

• Handle photographs with clean hands, avoiding the image layer. Clean lint-free cotton gloves reduce fingerprints. Keep food and drink away.²
• Store them somewhere cool, dry and well ventilated. Avoid attics, basements and outside walls.²
• If you must mark one, avoid ink. Write lightly in HB pencil on the back.²
• Avoid self-adhesive tape, paper clips and rubber bands. Also avoid PVC, acidic boards and magnetic or self-adhesive albums.²
• Keep original albums intact, stored flat in acid-free boxes. Display a copy rather than a vulnerable original.²

Scan or photograph each original and put the copy in the book. Then the precious print stays in its box.

Who owns the copyright in an old photograph can be unclear. The Intellectual Property Office says that before 1 August 1989, copyright in commissioned photographs, portraits and engravings, such as wedding photographs, belonged to the commissioner. After that date the photographer is the first owner unless agreed otherwise.³ For a book kept within the family this is rarely a worry, but check before you publish anything more widely.

For a longer project, our family history book guide shows how to label what is fact and what is family story, and the write your life story guide explains other routes.

Where Memory fits

Chutex offers Memory, a service in preparation in which Aria, an AI, helps a person tell their life story, keeps the memories they choose to share and can prepare a book they review together. The service has its own page on this site: Chutex Memory. Memory gives no diagnosis. It is not a health professional and does not replace one.

A memory book for your nan is best made with her, in person. Memory is one option for the stage when stories need keeping and putting in order, and it sits alongside the visits and notebooks described above. If her stories are mostly about food, our family recipe book guide covers that version.

Frequently asked questions